


sterling silver rose

by hyewon



Category: CLC (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blood, F/F, hanahaki disease au, um, yeah this is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 16:06:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15911649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyewon/pseuds/hyewon
Summary: Sorn chokes on her love for Seunghee, and if she's being honest, if she has to die, then let it be like this. In love, and with her memory intact.





	sterling silver rose

**Author's Note:**

> for kane, because i promised him i would write it
> 
> this is unbeta'd, sorry for that, it just this has been seating in my drafts for too long and now that it's done i just want to get it the fuck out of there. it is also five am and i don't have the patience to go over it myself (sorry kane). will correct any mistakes once i send it to my beta
> 
> enjoy!

Sorn looks up from her drawing when she feels her phone vibrating on the table it’s resting on. She mindlessly grabs it, being greeted by a few texts from the group chat with six of her best friends, a few from her roommate asking if she wanted some take out for tonight, and the most recent one, from Lisa, gashing about some girl she met recently. 

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _you don’t get it_ _sornie_ _shes_ _sooooooooooo_ _pretty_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** _: like so pretty_ _i_ _swear people invented the word beautiful when they saw her face_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _even her name is pretty its in_ _english_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _did you know_ _shes_   _australian_ _?_  

 

Sorn rolls her eyes at her rambling friend, but still smiles softly at her screen.  

 

 **_Sorn:_ ** _I thought you said she was Korean. And I'm pretty sure words were invented_ _loooooooooooooooooong_ _before she was even born._  

 

 **_Sorn:_ ** _Also for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE use correct punctuation._  

 

The thai girl watches amusedly as the little bubble signaling her friend is typing appears, waiting eagerly for her reply. She is so engrossed in her phone, she doesn’t notice the person sneaking up on her from behind, until they are already pulling one of her earphones off, and whispering in her ear. 

 

“Watcha’ doing? Looking for boob pics to draw again?” a smooth soft voice says. 

 

Sorn looks behind her to find none other than Seunghee, one of her best friends. 

 

“Mind your own business, will you?” Sorn says, laughing and pushing Seunghee away, but the girl doesn’t budge and instead tries to sit on Sorn’s lap, bothering the younger girl as much as she can, making Sorn laugh even more, “Get  _off_  me, you adult child. I swear you’re worse than Eunbin sometimes.” 

 

“Your statement is invalid and proves nothing, Eunbin is also an adult child,” Seunghee replies, finally getting off of Sorn and sitting beside her. 

 

Sorn smirks, “So you admit you’re an adult child, then?” 

 

Seunghee raises an eyebrow at her, flicking her hair in a cocky fashion, “Of course I am. Where do you think this youthful, beautiful face comes from?” 

 

“I can’t stand you sometimes,” Sorn chuckles, shaking her head. Her phone vibrates in her hand with a text from Lisa, and she fleetingly looks at Seunghee, who nods at her. Sorn opens the text, ignoring how her heart flutters when Seunghee presses her cheek to her shoulder so she can peak into their virtual conversation. 

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **:** _nerd_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _fuck historical events there’s only a before_ _roseanne_ _and an after_ _roseanne_ _and everything that came before_ _roseanne_ _does not matter_  

 

 **_Sorn:_ ** _Oh, so now I don’t matter?_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _exactly_  

 

 **_Lalis_ ** **_:_ ** _glad to see you are following along_ _sorn_  

 

Seunghee giggles, still very much pressed against Sorn’s side, a little bit too close for Sorn to be able to keep it together. 

 

“I like her, you should invite her to one of our hang-outs some time,” Seunghee says. 

 

“So that you two can team up and annoy me together? Not a chance, you are both staying on your separate lanes,” Sorn pushes Seunghee’s head away with her free hand, while texting back a clapback to Lisa and telling her she’ll text her later. She locks her phone, and turns to look at Seunghee, who’s pouting and rubbing her head. Rolling her eyes again, Sorn says, “Oh, come on, big baby.” 

 

“We’ve been friends for years, now. When will I get to meet your childhood friend?” she asks. 

 

“How about...” Sorn brings her index finger to her chin, and frowns, giving the impression she’s thinking hard about her answer, “Never?” 

 

Seunghee nudges her with her elbow, making Sorn laugh, and her pout turns into an amused smile. 

 

“You’re too mean to me. Why do I even hang out with you?” 

 

“Who’s gonna buy you food if I don’t?” Sorn returns her smile. 

 

“Right. That reminds me, I’m starving, it’s lunchtime, and since you are being mean, you’re paying for anything I order.” 

 

Sorn would have argued, she really would have, but Seunghee doesn’t even give her time to think as she grabs her art supplies, puts them carefully in her bag, and takes Sorn’s hand, pulling her up. Seunghee drags her by the hand, running though campus, and almost brings Sorn down with her when she trips on her own two feet. 

 

And as much as Sorn loves making fun of Seunghee, and vice versa, Sorn helps her up, this time being her the one who pulls Seunghee by the hand, taking her to a sea food place she knows Seunghee will like. All the while, Sorn pays no attention to the way her heart beats wildly in her chest, but still manages to smile the wide, bright smile that, apparently, only Seunghee can get out of her. 

 

[] 

 

The first time it happens, she’s laying comfortably on Seunghee’s bed, reading a book while the other girl finishes writing her essay, which she forgot is due in a few hours. Sorn, being committed and dedicated when it came to her education, finished it days ago, but she supposed she could give her friend some moral support, push her to finish it and not fling the assignment out the window like she always does. 

 

Of course, that was just an excuse to be close to Seunghee. Sorn likes spending time with Seunghee quite a lot, even if the older girl teases and makes fun of her almost all of the time. 

 

Seunghee falls back on her chair, stretching her arms above her head and arching her back and neck. And that’s when Sorn sees it. 

 

She only catches a tiny glimpse of it before Seunghee drops her arms, but that’s enough. The image of a partially concealed sterling silver rose is now engraved in her brain, and Sorn’s stomach drops. 

 

 _Love at first sight._  

 

Her throat itches and, suddenly, her chest feels heavier than before. She coughs, trying to appease the itch a little bit, but when she sees the tiny droplets of blood covering her closed fist, another wave of coughs rattles her body, this one far more intense than the first. More bloodstains cover her hand, she’s sure. She can feel them against her skin, but is too afraid to see them. 

 

Seunghee looks at her with raised eyebrows, “Woah, there. Caught a cold or something?” 

 

Sorn tries to laugh it off, “Looks like it, or maybe I’ve been straining my voice too much during singing classes.” 

 

Seunghee shakes her head, giving her a stern look that Sorn knows is nothing but mockery, “I told you, if you don’t improve your technique, you’ll end up coughing your lungs out.” 

 

Sorn almost wants to cry at the irony. She hides it behind a pout and puppy eyes. 

 

“Get me a bottle of water?” She clasps her hands together and bates her eyelashes at Seunghee, “Please?” 

 

“Fine, but only because I don’t want your germy saliva all over my bed,” She rolls her eyes, stands up, and leaves the room with a lazy wave. 

 

Sorn lets out a shaky breath, finally looking down at her palm filled with red stains, and something that makes her entire face pale. Twigs and bits of leaves. 

 

She gets up from the bed, walking to the small bathroom in Seunghee and Yeeun’s dorm. She washes her hands and mouth, ignoring the way her heart beats painfully in her chest, how her breathing gets more rapid and shallow as she tries to swallow her sobs, and keep her tears at bay. 

 

[] 

 

The second time it happens, Sorn is staring at her reflection in the mirror of her dorm. She can’t stop tracing the delicate lines that cover her left side, the maidenhair fern marking most it, right under her covered breast.  _Secret bond of love_ , she had read when the soul mark first started to grow, three months ago. It was soon joined by a white camellia.  _Longing_. 

 

Sorn isn’t an idiot. She knows these marks are from Seunghee, she knows since the moment they started growing. Back then, they were a surprising change, and Sorn tried hard to bury herself in denial, but not before long, she just came to accept it, as the soulmarks kept growing and her heart fluttered more and more with every little thing Seunghee did. Her solid two-year friendship with the girl is something Sorn cherishes deeply, and that’s why she decided to keep quiet about the marks. She can easily hide them, so she doesn’t have to tell her other friends about them. Sorn just wanted things with Seunghee to flow the way they always had, and if the other girl happened to develop a soul mark, then maybe, just maybe, she would take her chance. 

 

Now, though, now Sorn knows she missed her chance. 

 

When they first met, Seunghee’s only soul marks were withered gardenias ( _secret love, rejected love_ ),and Sorn never spotted the one that currently marks the girl’s neck. Soul marks grew, of course, but there is no way the silver rose is nothing but recent. If Seunghee had really fallen in love with her from the first time she saw her, the flower would be covering most of her body by now. And Sorn knows that’s not the case. She would have noticed. 

 

She covers her soul marks with her hand, as she feels the now familiar pressure in her throat. She managed not to cough for an entire week, swallowing and gulping down water like she hadn’t had a drink in ages, to prevent the blood and petals to come out of her chest and give the red alert to the people around her about her condition. 

 

But this time she can’t hold it in. And to her awful luck, seconds later after the intense coughing fit starts, her roommate Minnie, accompanied by her friend Yuqi, walk in. 

 

“Hey, Sorn, Yuqi and I were thinking- Sorn?” Minnie asks. Her gaze settles worriedly on the hunched figure of her half naked roommate, as she coughs violently into her arm. 

 

Sorn pulls back, eyeing her now blood-stained arm, covered in bloody petals. She looks back at Minnie and Yuqi, the two girls now frozen and pale, standing by the door with their eyes locked on the petals that fell to the floor. 

 

Sorn smiles sadly at them, “Sorry for the mess. It’s better than puke, though, right?” 

 

Neither of them laughs. 

 

Minnie closes the door with a slam, jolting Yuqi out of her shocked state, and walks towards Sorn with tear-filled eyes. 

 

“How long,” more than a question, it sounds like a demand, and Sorn flinches away, “For how long, Sorn.” 

 

“A week, maybe a bit more, don’t worry,” Sorn sighs, and Minnie scoffs, the first tear rolling down her cheek already. 

 

“Don’t worry? Sorn, you have  _hanahaki_ _!_  You can  _die_  from this if you don’t get the surgery, so don’t tell me to fucking not  _fucking_  worry!” Yuqi hurries to their side, and starts rubbing Sorn’s back as she holds Minnie’s hand in an attempt to comfort them both. An angry Minnie is a new sight for Sorn, even if she knows the girl feels like this out of worry. 

 

Minnie had been nothing but friendly and smiley after she got over her shy phase, when they first started rooming together, bonding over their homeland, and their new lives in Korea. Sorn quickly grew fond of the girl, babying her at every chance she had and treating her like they had known each other for ages. Sorn thinks she got lucky, to have someone like Minnie as her friend. And if she thinks about it, she is probably the best person to talk to about this whole... thing. She knows Lisa would beg for her to either confess her feelings to Seunghee or get the surgery, not wanting to see her longest and dearest friend die right in front of her when she could do something about it. Yeeun, Yujin, Seungyeon and Eunbin would do the same, but being a little bit more insistent on telling Seunghee, and Sorn can’t do that. And Elkie... Elkie would probably tell Seunghee herself (not with bad intention of course, she probably would think she was saving Sorn the trouble). 

 

Sorn doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to do. She can’t even look at the girl she thinks of like a little sister, as silent tears start rolling down her face. She doesn’t know why, but she feels ashamed. Ashamed of being caught in a vulnerable moment by someone she cares so deeply about. Ashamed of not being brave enough to just come forward with her feelings. Ashamed of herself, for letting this happen. 

 

“Who is it?” Minnie asks, choked up voice barely above a whisper. 

 

“Seunghee,” Sorn replies equally as quiet. She doesn’t see Minnie’s reaction, but when her feet and long legs enter Sorn’s line of vision, and she spots her clenched, shaking fists, Sorn knows it’s not good. 

 

“Are you going to tell her?” 

 

“No, it would be of no use. She- she has a silver rose growing up her neck,” Sorn says with a shaky voice. 

 

“But it could be from you!” Yuqi tries to be optimistic, “Maybe you didn’t see the mark until now!” 

 

Sorn smiles at Yuqi’s attempt to lift the mood, “I’ve been friends with Seunghee for two years, Yuqi, and silver roses mean love at first sight. You can’t miss a soul mark that keeps growing for two years. It’s just not realistic, it has to be recent.” 

 

Yuqi visibly deflates, her eyes filling with tears of her own. 

 

“Get the surgery, then,” Minnie says, “Please, Sorn.” 

 

Sorn’s face falls, “I can’t, Minnie.” 

 

“Why not?” Minnie yells, “Is it really worth it to lose your life for someone who doesn’t love you back? What about the rest of us? What about the people who care about you, the people that want to see you well and happy and  _alive?!”_ When Sorn doesn’t look up at her, Minnie continues with a whisper, almost as if she is talking to herself, “I don’t want you to die, Sorn. I don’t know what I’d do if-” 

 

Sorn’s head snaps up as Minnie breaks into desperate sobs, quickly putting her arms around the younger girl and holding them up. Minnie is taller than her, but she somehow manages to hide her face into Sorn’s neck as she cries uncontrollably.  

 

“Hey, hey,” Sorn coos, stroking the top of her head, “Don’t worry about that, yeah? I’m not going to die,” Sorn avoids saying  _yet_ , Minnie doesn’t need that right now, “I’ll think of something, like I always do.” 

 

That’s a lie. Sorn has no fucking clue what she will do, and that terrifies her. 

 

The only things she knows for sure is she’s not having that surgery. 

 

“Seunghee is... she’s precious to me, Minnie. I don’t want to forget her,” Sorn explains, “As much as being in love with her might hurt me, it’s better than not feeling anything towards her at all. You can understand that, right?” 

 

Sorn traces the lilac sprout at the back of Minnie’s neck.  _First emotions of love._  

 

Minnie, pulls back, her puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks making Sorn’s heart ache. She sniffles and nods, choosing to trust and respect Sorn’s decision. It is her love life, body, and condition after all, and as much as Minnie doesn’t want Sorn to leave her, she can’t be selfish, she has to make sure Sorn spends the best months of her life, before it is her time. 

 

Sorn fetches some toilet paper for the three of them, making sure to clean Minnie’s smudged make up as carefully as she can. 

 

“Yuqi and I were thinking of buying a bunch of tubs of ice-cream and having a movie night here, do you want to join us?” Minnie asks Sorn, faking a smile. 

 

Sorn knows it’s fake, but she still smiles back, big and genuine, because she can’t let Minnie see how affected she is by her hanahaki, “I’d love to.” 

 

[] 

 

She avoids one-on-one interactions with Seunghee as much as she can, and sometimes even avoids group hang-outs in fear of being discovered. But it keeps happening, her coughs getting more and more intense as time passes, and Sorn dreads the day she can’t hide the cyclamen petals covered in her blood anymore. 

 

 _Resignation and Good-bye._  

 

[] 

 

Four months go by, and Sorn can feel the disease’s physical impact already. She’s lost weight to the point of having hollow cheeks, her collarbones stand out almost in a gross way, and her skin has never been so pale. It doesn’t take much to exhaust her, the walk from the dorms to the arts building now has her panting and wheezing lightly by the time she reaches the lecture rooms. 

 

And people are starting to notice. 

 

Sorn knows the hanahaki experience is different for anyone who is unlucky enough to live it. Some people spend years of their lives with the disease, while others only last a few weeks. What determines how aggressive the disease is, it’s unknown, so Sorn can only pray and hope that this isn’t it, she just wants more time, even if it’s just a little bit. 

 

She thinks of this as she stares at the faces of her six best friends. Yujin and Seungyeon are lost in their little world, the couple engrossed with each other as Yujin makes funny faces and Seungyeon tells her to stop repeatedly while laughing (they may be sweeteningly gross, but Sorn loves seeing them this happy). Eunbin and Elkie are busy bantering with Seunghee, teasing the older girl like they always do (Sorn remembers that one time Elkie said Seunghee looked like an octopus, and then Eunbin’s voice booms in her head saying  _you know nothing,_ _Seunghee_ _!_ ).  

 

Seunghee. 

 

She looks beautiful today, her brunette hair falling down her shoulders and framing her face perfectly, her lips stretched into a wide, toothy smile, and her eyes sparkling as she imitates Eunbin and watches the younger girl laugh. She has no idea what she does to Sorn, how she makes her heart beat erratically. How she quite literally takes her breath away. 

 

“You okay?” Sorn hears from beside her. She turns to look at Yeeun, the younger girl licking her vanilla ice-cream while she looks at her with a cute frown. 

 

“Yeah, just a bit tired is all.” 

 

“You’ve been ‘tired’ for weeks now, Sorn,” Yeeun says, not buying Sorn’s recurring lie, “You think I don’t notice when you lie, but I do. Something’s going on with you, and whatever it is, you can tell me.” 

 

Yeeun holds her hand under the table, her big brown eyes looking innocently and worriedly into Sorn’s sunken ones. Sorn feels her throat tighten with the familiar feeling of blood and petals trying to come out, and before she starts coughing, she stands up desperately, dragging the attention of the rest of her friends. She quickly mutters something about going to the bathroom with Yeeun, and takes the girl hurriedly by the hand, covering her mouth with the other as she tries to keep the petals in until they reach the restaurant’s bathroom. 

 

Sorn bolts so quickly out of her chair, she doesn’t see Seunghee’s (and Elkie’s) face fall when her eyes settle on her hand clasping Yeeun’s tightly. 

 

As soon as they enter the bathroom, Sorn coughs violently. This isn’t like other times, her legs can’t support all of her weight, and she feels weak. 

 

She coughs petals and blood into the bathroom sink, and she still can’t breathe. 

 

With the little strength she has, she pulls one of the stalls’ door open, immediately dropping to her knees and emptying her stomach. Yeeun hurries to hold her hair, watching the scene in front of her unfold horribly. 

 

There, floating between vomit and petals and leaves and a worrisome amount of blood, are three full blown cyclamens, their stems taunting Sorn with their sharp ends. 

 

Sorn looks up at Yeeun weakly. The younger girl stares at the flowers with tear-filled eyes, her right hand firmly pressed against her trembling lips, while her left one lets go of Sorn’s hair in shock. 

 

If only Sorn had had more  _time_. 

 

The Thai girl flushes the toilet and stands up shakily, Yeeun quick to help her stay on her feet. She walks slowly towards the sink she first started coughing into, and turns on the faucet, washing away the blood and twigs that were left there. Sorn puts her hands under the stream, marveling at how warm the water feels against her cold skin. She washes her hands, and as she scoops some to do the same with her mouth, she hears Yeeun’s strained voice. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” 

 

Sorn sighs, “I didn’t want to worry you.” 

 

“You didn’t want to  _worry us_?” Yeeun repeats, her soft voice now sounding more scandalized, “Look at you, Sorn. It seems like you haven’t eaten or slept in days, and I have  _never_  seen you this pale before. We were going to worry whether you told us or not, so why, Sorn?” Yeeun’s voice crack ever so slightly, and Sorn swallows heavily, fighting both the tears trying to fall down, and the petals still clinging to the back of her throat. 

 

“It’s Seunghee, Yeeun,” she whispers, looking up at her friend with desperate eyes, “I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do that to our group, I couldn’t— I can’t do this.” 

 

Sorn finally breaks down, sobbing intensely into Yeeun’s neck, as the younger girl hugs her tightly, offering a support Sorn didn’t know she needed until now. 

 

“I’m taking you to your dorm, okay? You need to rest,” it is not a question, Sorn realizes, but she is still shaking and feeling weak, so she’s not about to argue with her about it. 

 

“Are you not going to tell me to get the surgery? Or tell her how I feel?” Sorn asks her, unsure. 

 

“If you wanted to get the surgery, you would have already gotten it by now. The same applies to confessing, really, even though I have to insist you do it. But I can do that later. Now, I’m going to take care of you, okay?” Yeeun pulls back from the hug, gifting Sorn a small, sad smile. Sorn can only nod, not having the energy to do anything else. 

 

They walk out of the bathroom, with one of Sorn’s arms linked with one of Yeeun’s, leaning on her for support, and the slowly approach the table. Eunbin is the first to spot them, and with a teasing smile, she shouts: 

 

“You two took your sweet time in there, what were you up to?”  

 

As the duo gets closer, though, the smile on her face falls, replaced by a thin, concerned line. Seunghee immediately stands up when she takes in Sorn’s state, and Yujin and Seungyeon forget about each other’s existence for once. 

 

“I’m going to take Sorn to her dorm.” Yeeun says matter of factly. 

 

“Why? Are you okay?” Elkie asks, her big doe eyes looking between the two of them worriedly. 

 

Sorn smiles weakly at the five girls, giving them a thumbs up, “Yeah, just got a bug or something. A little rest should have me up and running in no time.” 

 

“I’ll go with you,” Seunghee says, already moving to grab her sweater and purse, but stops dead in her tracks when Sorn speaks with finality in a panic. 

 

“No.” 

 

A tense silence fills the air around the group of friends, as Sorn stares at the ground to avoid looking at Seunghee, knowing that she only hurt the girl by refusing her offer. She didn’t want to do it, but she can’t handle being around Seunghee right now, not when petals and flowers claw at her throat, at her lungs, stealing the air she so desperately needs. But it goes beyond that. She can’t be around Seunghee, knowing the girl doesn’t see her as nothing more than a friend, knowing the girl doesn’t love her like Sorn desperately wants to be loved. And she absolutely cannot be around Seunghee, knowing her friend is in love with someone else. 

 

It’s childish, petty, and not fair, but Sorn thinks none of this is fair. Not her having hanahaki, and not her pushing Seunghee away. 

 

Luckily, Yeeun is there to save her once again, “That’s not necessary, Ducky. You should stay and have fun, I have a paper I need to finish, anyways.” 

 

“Are you sure, Yen?” Seungyeon asks skeptically. Yeeun smiles broadly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and that’s how Sorn knows it’s fake. 

 

“Positive. We’ll see you guys later.” 

 

With that, they walk out of the diner and Yeeun walks Sorn to her dorm. She tucks her in carefully, and interrupts Minnie’s studying to ask her if she could go buy some soup, which Minnie obliges wholeheartedly. Yeeun sings her lullabies and holds her hair when Sorn has to cough or vomit petals into a bucket, she makes sure she drinks enough water, and tells her childhood stories to make Sorn laugh. 

 

Sorn wonders for a minute how it would be if she was in love with Yeeun instead of Seunghee, if she was in love with  _anyone else_  instead of Seunghee. Would she still have hanahaki? Would she be suffering and pining as much as she is now? 

 

She figures there’s no point in wondering, and, even if it is painful, loving Seunghee is not something Sorn regrets. Before her hanahaki appeared, they had had so many fun and special moments. Special moments that Sorn treasures, doesn’t want to forget, which is why she refuses to have the surgery done. 

 

Sorn just wishes things were different for them. 

 

[] 

 

It doesn’t take long for Sorn to collapse. 

 

She’s sitting with Seungyeon, Elkie and Eunbin in their singing class, comparing pitches and harmonizing, when suddenly Sorn feels something big coming up her throat. She coughs and wheezes into her arm, but it’s not coming out. The flower (or flowers) is stuck in her throat, effectively clogging her wind pipe, and Sorn is suffocating. She coughs blood like she never did before, falling to her knees while gasping for air. She faintly registers the people around her, calling out her name and shouting, as a loud ringing is all that fills her ears. She coughs, and gasps, and keeps  _fucking wheezing_ , but the flowers still won’t come out, and she’s starting to hyperventilate. 

 

Sorn is drowning. She’s drowning in fear, in regret, in despair, in wanting to see Seunghee’s face one last time before she goes. In her own blood. 

 

Black spots fill her vision as she claws at her neck in a desperate and panicked attempt to get rid of the obstruction. Someone takes her into their lap, trying to grab her arms and keep her still, while she fights for air, fights for her life. 

 

Sorn needs air, but what she wants, is to see Seunghee smile for the very last time. 

 

[] 

 

She’s rushed into the ER, being kept there over-night, just in case she suffers from another clog, or dies. Thankfully, she had managed to get the flowers more than halfway through her wind pipe when the paramedics arrived, and got them out completely. Sorn had already passed out by then, but as she kept coughing blood and petals even in her unconscious state, the paramedics decided to bring her in. 

 

Sorn is now laying on a bed with an awful hospital gown, an IV attached to her arm, and an oxygen mask, helping her get enough air to her lungs, since she’s too weak to do so by herself without starting to wheeze after ten minutes. 

 

Seungyeon, Eunbin, Yujin, and Elkie (who arrived fifteen minutes after Sorn was admitted into the hospital) stand by her bed, either holding her hand, or trying hard not to cry. At least not in front of her. 

 

“Sorn?” a tiny voice calls, and Sorn looks up to find Lisa, Yeeun and Minnie staring at her with the saddest expression Sorn had ever seen on her cheerful friends. Minnie has puffy, red eyes, probably from crying on her way to the hospital, and Yeeun’s lower lip start to tremble as she sees Sorn’s figure. Too skinny, sickly pale, and overall just exhausted. 

 

Despite it all, Sorn still manages to smile at them, “Hey,” she says, mask still firmly clinging to her face. 

 

Lisa approaches the bed silently, taking in the image of her dying friend. They haven’t seen each other in months, considering Lisa attends a different University than them, one hour away. Sorn realizes with a heavy heart and guilt that her friend was probably not expecting to get a call telling her that her childhood friend was dying. Sorn should have called her sooner and met up with her, so that Lisa could have at least one last look of her that wasn’t at her death bed. 

 

Yet another thing to add to her list of regrets. 

 

“When?” Lisa says quietly, taking Sorn’s hand in her own, and staring hard at them, the frown on her face deepening more by the second. “When, Sorn?” 

 

“Five, maybe six months ago,” Sorn replies weakly, moving the mask down to talk better, but Lisa immediately puts it back on its place. 

 

“You need that right now,” she skims over Sorn’s sunken face, a tear finally rolling down her face, “Why didn’t you tell me, Sorn?” 

 

Gathering the last of her remaining strength, Sorn raises her arm, wiping Lisa’s tear, and ruffling her bangs. 

 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, but I should have told you. Probably one of the most idiotic things I ever did in my life. Or didn’t do, actually. I’m sorry, Lisa,” Sorn says a bit, before coughing violently. Everyone around her holds their breath, while a nurse simply holds a bucket out for Sorn. She spits blood, and looking down at the petals and leaves, it dawns on Sorn just how serious the situation is. She looks up at Lisa, only to find her friend fully crying, sniffling and pouting. Sorn’s heart breaks even more, and knowing what she’s about to say won’t make it better kills her. She draws the deepest breath she can muster shakily, and says, “Once— once it happens, will you tell my mom?” 

 

Lisa lets out a sob, nodding, unable to say anything at the moment. 

 

“I should probably call her. I’d like to hear her voice, it’d be nice,” Sorn smiles softly at the memory of her mom. Her sweet voice, her cooking, her gentle smile. Oddly, it doesn’t make her want to cry, it envelops her in a blanket of comfort, of relaxation. Her home and her family always helps her calm down, and now it’s not any different. 

 

Lisa is in the process of taking out her phone, ready to dial Sorn’s mom’s number, not caring how much the international call might charge her, when a strong, loud yell resonates through the entire ER. 

 

“ _Where is she?!”_ Sorn finds Seunghee just as the girl slams her hands on the front desk, drawing in the attention of everyone waiting there. As if she could sense Sorn’s eyes on her, Seunghee turns, immediately making eye contact with Sorn, and rushing towards her. She bumps and almost runs into a few doctors and nurses, but she doesn’t care. Seunghee only has a one-track mind at the moment, and that is Sorn. 

 

Sorn gulps, as Seunghee comes at a stop right beside her bed across Lisa. She eyes her body from head to toe with wide eyes, lips pressed into a thin line and a deep frown. She takes her time, almost as if she was purposefully avoiding looking at Sorn’s eyes, but Seunghee can’t escape it for too long, and finally settles her pained brown eyes on Sorn’s glassy ones. 

 

“Tell me it isn’t true,” Seunghee whispers, “Tell me that’s not why you were rushed into the hospital.” 

 

Sorn spares a look around, trying to tell the rest of her friends to give her a moment with Seunghee. Yeeun and Minnie are the first to notice (almost immediately), and they pry the other girls away from Sorn and Seunghee. Yeeun is even tugging the curtain around Sorn’s bed, giving them even more privacy. Minnie takes Lisa’s hand softly, gently trying to pull her away, but Lisa resists. 

 

“No, I want to stay,” she says, shrugging Minnie’s hand off. Sorn sighs. She can’t really blame her friend for wanting to stay close to her side, Sorn would want the same, but she has to have this conversation with Seunghee. 

 

“Please, Lisa, I promise it’ll only be a few minutes, okay?” 

 

Lisa look between Sorn and Seunghee skeptically, but finally relents. 

 

“Five minutes. Then I’m coming back.” 

 

Once Lisa leaves, Sorn looks back at Seunghee, who returns her stare expectantly and anxiously. 

 

Sorn breaks eye contact, unable to watch those eyes she loves being filled with so much sadness and hurt. 

 

“I’m sorry, Seunghee.” 

 

A sharp inhale, and then, “What the fuck, Sorn? Why didn’t you get the surgery?” 

 

“Because I don’t want to, Seunghee. That’s my choice.” 

 

“Yeah, well, your choice sucks ass,” Seunghee’s voice cracks, but she hides behind a cough. She inhales again, looking at anything except Sorn, “Are they worth it? Are they really worth dying for?” 

 

Sorn stares at the side of Seunghee, and without hesitation, she answers, “She is.” 

 

Ovecome by her emotions, Sorn takes Seunghee’s hand in her own, mustering all the courage she can before she chickens out and changes her mind, “Seunghee, look at me.” 

 

It takes a while for her to do it, but when Seunghee looks down at her, she does it in defeat, as if she has already lost all hope of Sorn surviving. 

 

“I saw the silver rose on your neck.” 

 

Seunghee’s eyes widen in alarm, her free hand shooting up as a reflex to cover her soul mark, and Sorn doesn’t have the heart to tell her she saw it months ago, “Don’t hide it.  _Please_ , don’t hide it, Seunghee. Whoever might have given it to you, they are so lucky to be the person you love, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of loving them. You are... the most wonderful and yet  _infuriating_  person in this planet, and you deserve to be happy. So, promise me, Seunghee, that you won’t be like me. That you won’t hide behind pathetic excuses and that you’ll fight for what you want. Fight for  _who_  you want,” Sorn is crying by now, every word she says causing her an extremely amount of pain as her guilt and regret get the best of her, “Promise me you won’t give up on your soulmate, that you will fight for them, and their love. Promise me, Seunghee.” 

 

Seunghee stares deep into her eyes, almost like she can see right through Sorn, and into her soul. Sorn has never seen Seunghee look this serious, this intense, and if she is being honest, she feels scared. Scared that maybe she crossed their boundaries, that she spoke without knowing enough, that Seunghee will hate her for talking about her soulmate. 

 

But nothing prepares her for what Seunghee does. 

 

She let’s go of Sorn’s hand, still maintaining eye contact, and brings them both to the hem of her shirt, lifting it up over her head and taking it off. Sorn’s brain short-circuits, not really sure about what’s going, but when Seunghee turns around, she gasps, her shock furthering even more. 

 

What Sorn thought was a silver rose on Seunghee’s neck, is actually an entire soul mark on Seunghee’s back. There isn’t one single spot that isn’t covered by a leaf, or by a twig, or by rose, both withering and blooming anew. The thick stem covers Seunghee’s spine entirely, branching and heading towards different parts of Seunghee’s body. 

 

Sorn notices that is not just her back filled with flowers, but the soulmark also covers her shoulders, her sides, and it goes further down her legs, as well as starting to grow up her neck. 

 

“I’ve had this soulmark growing on me for two years, Sorn,” She turns around again, and Sorn swallows with difficulty at the intensity Seunghee’s eyes carry when they stare deep into her own, “I got the first sprout the second I saw you.” 

 

{ 

 

 _Seunghee_ _is struck. She doesn’t know what it is, but she’s frozen in her place, watching the girl draw calmly on her sketchbook. She must look pretty stupid, too, just standing in the middle of the walkway to the music building, and getting in everyone_ _’s_ _way. But she can’t look away, and she most definitely can’t move._  

 

 _The girl is pretty,_ _Seunghee_ _can tell even from a distance, her bangs covering most of her forehead, just come to an end just above her eyes. She has a tiny, adorable nose, and nice lips that are slightly parted by a peaking tongue in the corner, probably a concentration reflex. Paying no attention to her surroundings,_ _Seunghee_ _watches as she smoothly moves her pencil against the paper, and, even if she can’t see what she’s drawing,_ _Seunghee_ _knows she’s_ good _._  

 

 _She feels a tingling sensation at the base of her column, not exactly uncomfortable, but very noticeable, and_ _Seunghee_ _should really check if it’s a bug walking through her body, but she’s glued to her spot, immobile, and focus on the beautiful girl a few yards away._ _Seunghee_ _contemplates for a fleeting moment if she s_ _hould_ _approach her, talk to her, but as the girl looks up from her_ _drawing and makes eye contact with_ _Seunghee_ _, she finds herself immediately looking away and power walking away from the girl._  

 

 _She spends the whole morning and noon thinking about the girl, and about how she was an idiot for not talking to her._ S _eunghee_ _wishes she could see her again some other time._  

 

 _And when she arrives at her dorm and goes to take a shower, she notices something that wasn’t there before. It isn’t a birth mark, and it isn’t a mole._  

 

 _It’s a soul mark. One that means_ Love at first sight. 

 

 _Seunghee_ _swallows hard, hoping and praying this doesn’t bite her in the ass later._  

 

 _Luckily, she does end up seeing the girl again, and to her pleasant surprise, it is in her own dorm._  

 

 _She opens the door with a sigh, tired from all the classes she attended that day, and stops dead in her tracks when she sees the girl that gave her second soul mark ever sitting on_ _Yeeun’s_ _bed._  

 

 _“Ducky!”_ _Yeeun_ _yells happily from beside her, and_ _Seunghee_ _feels her cheeks turn red in embarrassment at the nickname, as the girl’s attention is now on her, “I’m so glad you’re finally here! This is my friend, Sorn. Remember I’ve talked to you about her? She also knows_ _Seungyeon_ _,_ _Yujin_ _and_ _Eunbin_ _, so I thought it was a good idea to slowly introduce her to_ _our_ _whole group!”_  

 

 _Despite her nerves,_ _Seunghee_ _manages to smile at her roommate’s cuteness, “And by our whole group, you mean,_ _Elkie_ _and I.”_  

 

 _Yeeun_ _giggles, while Sorn stands up to properly greet_ _Seunghee_ _. She bows, and smiles at her, making_ _Seunghee’s_ _heart jump in glee, “_ _Chonnasorn_ _Sajakul_ _. I feel like I’ve met you before...”_  

 

 _Seunghee_ _takes a shuddering breath, trying to keep the little composure she still has, and smiles back, “Oh_ _Seunghee_ _, and I don’t think so. You are quite memorable.”_  

 

 _Sorn chuckles, raising an eyebrow at her, “What is that supposed to mean?”_  

 

 _Seunghee_ _should tell her._ _Seunghee_ _should tell her about, how even though they have just met, Sorn makes her heart feel whole, complete; tell her about the soul mark; tell her how she wants to get to know her better._  

 

 _But it’s not the time, it’s too soon, it’s doesn’t_ _feel right. And that’s okay,_ _Seunghee_ _can wait._  

 

 _“You have bad breath,” she says with what she hopes sounds like a teasing tone, instead of just telling Sorn how beautiful_ _Seunghee_ _thinks she is._  

 

 _Sorn is stunned only for a moment, before she bursts out laughing, and replies, “Well, you look like you haven’t washed your hair in weeks, so I’d say you are pretty memorable too.”_  

 

 _And just like that, they click._  

 

} 

 

Sorn stares at Seunghee with her mouth agape, not knowing what to say. There’s only one thought in her mind, and even then, she can’t fully process it. Seunghee loves her back, she does. 

 

“I’ve been in love with you for so long, Sorn, I didn’t know how to tell you. And now I might lose you because I wasn’t brave enough to confess. A-and, because someone got to you first,” Seunghee says, tears streaming down her face. Her beautiful face, “I know it’s your choice, and if that’s what you really want to do in the end, then I’ll respect it and settle with whatever I can get, but please, just... just consider getting the surgery. It’s selfish of me to ask, I know that, but—” 

 

“You idiot,” Sorn says slowly, smile growing on her face by the second. She pulls down the oxygen mask, knowing she wouldn’t be needing it anymore. 

 

Seunghee looks at her confused, “What?” 

 

Sorn takes her hand again, this time pulling her down so they can be at eye level. Seunghee, surprised by Sorn’s sudden strength, almost falls on top of her, managing to stop only by pressing her free hand against Sorn’s pillow, just beside her head. Sorn leaves her no time to think, as she quickly pulls her closer by the back of her neck, and crashes their lips together in a much-needed kiss. 

 

It takes Seunghee two seconds to kiss her back, reciprocating just as intensely. Sorn can feel her smile grow against Seunghee’s lips, and somehow, breathing becomes easier. Her chest doesn’t feel heavy anymore, and even though she still feels weak, she’s much livelier than before, as she kisses Seunghee with everything she has. 

 

Seunghee pulls back, looking at her with hooded eyes, and Sorn can’t help the laugh that escapes her, “You absolute  _idiot_.” 

 

Seunghee rolls her eyes, but a smile still stretches across her lips anyway, “That is not what I pictured you saying during my 'first kiss with you' fantasies. 

 

“Oh, you fantasized about me?” Sorn says in a seductive, teasing tone. 

 

“Maybe,” Seunghee says back in the exact same tone. 

 

“What is better, your fantasy or reality?” 

 

“Reality, a hundred percent,” Seunghee replies, and she’s leaning in again, when the curtain separating them from the world suddenly gets pulled back, and a loud yelp makes Seunghee quickly step back. 

 

Lisa stands at the edge of Sorn’s bed covering her eyes, as Seunghee frantically looks for he shirt, somehow falls while doing it, until she finds it and puts it back on. 

 

“You can, uh, look now,” Seunghee says, blush spreading across her face like wildfire. Sorn is blushing too, but the situation is more amusing to her than anything else, considering she thought she was about to die just a few minutes ago. 

 

Lisa peaks through her fingers to make sure she can look for real, and slowly lowers her hands. Her gaze shifts from Seunghee to Sorn, who smiles at her innocently, and narrows her eyes. 

 

“Does this mean you are not going to die?” 

 

Sorn laughs loudly, “No, Lisa, I’m not going to die,” she says, taking Seunghee’s hands again and smiling up at the older girl. Seunghee returns it, filled with softness and adoration. 

 

They are interrupted though, as Lisa comes in between them, and hugs them both. Sorn’s sudden surprise is quickly replaced by sympathy, hearing her friend’s sniffles. She pats her back, hoping to provide at least some comfort. 

 

“It’s really nice to finally meet you, Seunghee,” Lisa says, and the three of them laugh. 

 

“Right back at you.” 

 

Sorn watches happily as the rest of her friends approach them, all with huge smiles and teary eyes. At some point, Yuqi arrived, and is now holding a bawling Minnie, who can’t quite believe Sorn will actually pull through. 

 

Sorn thinks she’s the luckiest girl in the world, to have such wonderful people as her friends. To be able to love them and be loved by them. 

 

And, of course, she’s extremely lucky, because her soulmate, her best friend, loves her back just as much as she loves her. 

**Author's Note:**

> you know the drill, come talk to me at @crystalloona on twitter


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